Living two separate lives isn't what married couples sign in for. But work relocations travel schedules can wreak havoc with marital routines. What do you do when your spouse is absent? How do you keep the romance strong? How can you make the most of a commuter marriage? What are the challenges of running two households?
List why you are in a LDM: Think hard why you are living in two cities/countries - child' education, better job options. Whenever you are tired of the situation, go through the list, it will be a timely reminder.
Don't feel upset with the spouse: If one spouse is busy bringing up the child, don't resent the other spouse who is relatively free from household responsibilitie. If you feel you are in a more difficult situation than your spouse, think about what your spouse does for the marriage. You'll feel less resentful.
Get the talk time right: Figure out when is a good time to call each other. If either one is busy, send smses and call when convenient. Avoid calling each other at work unless it's an emergency. If you are cranky in the morning or too tired after work to talk, connect when you are in the best frame of mind.
Write letters, emails: Sometimes it's alright to write short notes/letter to your spouse to show you care. Laminating notecards
Together time: Make the most of your together time by simply being with each other. Don't plan exciting activities if you have little time together. Have a 'boring' quiet day at home and bond with your spouse.
Communicate: Your spouse is unable to see you when you are communicating via phone, email, sms and won't know what you are feeling. Be sure to tell your spouse what you are feeling, don't make assumptions about each other.
Make friends, find activities: Alone time in commuter marriages gives you the opportunity to make new friends and even find a personal hobby. Try to reinvent yourself, go out with friends, volunteer at an NGO.
Don't over burden yourself: In order to think less about the separation, couples often take on more work, putting more stress in their relationship. Don't take on too many duties on your to-do list.
Cut the utility chat: While you need to talk about taxes, utility bills, child's future, lighten up the chats too. With little time to speak, talk about a TV show, book or anything that is not stressful.
BDST: 1839 HRS, SEP-27, 2014
