Co-parenting with an ex is not an easy task, but it's extremely important for the children. A close relationship with both the parents — and both amicably sharing parental duties — ensures a stable environment for the child's growth. So, despite its many challenges, it is crucial to develop a cordial working relationship with your ex. Follow these tips and you can make joint custody with your ex work. Says psychologist Mimrah Ansari, "Parents' separation is traumatic for children. One way to reduce it is co-parenting."
Putting the past behind —and treating your relationship with your ex as a new one — will benefit your children. Though your marriage may be over, your family still remains your main priority. And the first step to being a mature and responsible parent is to always put your child's needs ahead of your own.
Set hurt and anger aside
The key to smooth co-parenting with an ex is to focus on your children alone. This means that you need to control your emotions (resentment, hurt, anger) every time you bump into your former spouse. It is not easy, but it is extremely important.
Communicate
Consistent, peaceful and purposeful communication is crucial. Before you contact your ex, ask yourself how your talk might affect your kid. Resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Always remember to make your child the focal point of every discussion. Also, meeting your ex in person is not always required. You can chat with him/her over the phone or exchange texts or emails. The purpose is to establish conflict-free communication.
Work as a team
It's no secret that parenting has a lot to do with decision-making. Many a time, you may find it difficult to reach a joint decision with your former partner. If you work as a team, rather than as two separate individuals trying to raise a child, co-parenting will be a success.
Make transitions easier
Nothing disturbs a child more than seeing a parent move out. Every reunion with one parent would be a separation from the other. So, even if it might be difficult for you, try and go out as a team on short holidays. It might help convince your child that the two of you are there for him/her whenever he/she needs you.
Steps to make co-parenting easier
- Never force your child to choose a side when there is a conflict or disagreement between the two of you.
- Do not allow your child to speak disrespectfully about/to your ex.
- Discuss your rights and responsibilities regarding your child's visitation schedule, education, medical concerns, finances and so forth.
- Reach an agreement on discipline and behavioural guidelines for your child. This will help maintain consistency in your little one's life.
- Communicate effectively about all aspects of your child's development.
- Special days such as festivals and birthdays pose a problem when you are separated. Divide these occasions between the two of you.
Dealing with disagreements
As you co-parent, you and your ex are bound to have differences. Here are a few points you must keep in mind...
- It might be tedious, but if you disagree with your partner on something, you need to communicate it to him/her.
- Never discuss your disagreements in front of your kids. If you fail to agree with each other, talk to a common friend or therapist.
- Simple manners are often neglected between ex-partners. Be considerate and respectful towards each other. This will ensure a rapport when co-parenting.
- Compromising on matters related to your child is necessary. You will need to come around to your ex-spouse's point of view as often as he/she comes around to yours. Remember, compromises will lead to a win-win situation for you in future.
JLo wants twins to bond with dad
After splitting from her husband Marc Anthony in 2011, singer and actress Jennifer Lopez is planning to spend more time with him and their young twins so that the kids don't miss out on a normal family upbringing.
She recently admitted that her daughter Emme and son Max are struggling to come to terms with the split between their parents. They would question Lopez if their dad would ever come home. Their tough questions have apparently made the singer/actress reconsider how best to co-parent the tots.
BDST: 1615 HRS, SEP-30, 2014
