Married for around three years, Mumbai-based Aarti and Shubham Khanna (names changed) were a regular city couple who loved chilling out with their friends, went on trips and sought pleasure in simple things like sharing household chores.

However,things changed when Shubham had to travel out of town for a week, every month for a new project at work.Though they missed the orderliness of their lives and physical presence, both were surprised with the realisation that with every separation their love flourished even more. Aarti says, Both of us are working professionals. During these small periods when we weren't together, we understood that we were missing out on things that each of us loved to do individually while I pursued gardening and painting, Shubham started writing, something that he always wanted to do. Both of them found it therapeutic and it had positive ramifications on their relationship. So much so that when Shubham's project got over, the couple decided to keep aside some 'me-time' for themselves.

Giving space is necessary
There comes a time for couples, whether married or in a live-in relationship, when each person needs space to grow as an individual. So though the best memories are those that we share with the love of our life, too much togetherness can ruin a perfect bond. Spending time away helps you enhance your personality with things like learning something new, meeting up with friends, spending time with other family members and developing hobbies.Psychiatrist Dr Rajesh Goyal says, Couples need to understand that they are two individuals who are mutually bound by a relationship. Giving space to each other involves trusting your partner so that she can spend some time without any responsibilities.

Don't hit the panic button
Accept that it is completely normal and necessary for your partner to need `space' in the relationship. You need to understand that she is not rejecting you. In fact, she wants to grow and dedicate some time to other important things in life and is giving you also an opportunity to do so. Give your partner a chance. If you try to question himher, there are chances of arguments and ego clashes which might harm your relationship.Psychiatrist and Counsellor Dr Pavan Sonar says, Introspection is important as every person needs to nurture their emotional and spiritual aspects. Also by staying away from each other for short duration, one may start missing the other partner and this will actually increase the love between the two.

Balance it well
Once you are okay with the idea of giving each other space, learn to balance it well. The levels of togetherness may vary from individual to individual. Rather than sulking about it, be mature to accept the fact. Start off by deciding for how long would you like to give each other space. Chart out the tasks for which you will be utilising your free time and have an open discussion with your partner about what she intends to do in that period. Share your ideas and encourage each other.

Decide the duration
This varies from couple to couple.Each of them must decide on the amount of time or number of days that they are comfortable staying away . It might just be post-dinner time that you might want to unwind individually or it can be the weekend when you would want to spend a day together with your partner and another day pursuing your own things. Having two separate bedrooms is not unheard of and doesn't always lead to disaster. Some couples also prefer to live apart for some days every month and come back to each other rejuvenated.

Make it fun
Don't just brood when you are away from each other. Make it fun by texting your partner, keeping himher updated about what you are doing and sharing your experiences. It will just make the getting back together more exciting.However, don't get upset if your partner does not reply immediately or if you have set guidelines on not being too much in touch with each other since regular communication might eat up on the 'me time'.

Too much space might spell danger
It might spell danger if you start drifting apart on account of spending too much time away . This usually happens when the relationship lacks an emotional connect and depends heavily on physical intimacy as one of the partners tries to fill the void with other things in life.When this occurs, the other partner feels taken for granted. To avoid this, work on togetherness as well by remembering his her favourite things, important dates in your life and celebrating them. You need to ensure that your personal space hasn't become the biggest space in your life. Do not ignore each other when you get together after a long break, in fact, show your partner how much you have missed himher, concludes Dr Goyal.


Source: Times of India

BDST: 1659 HRS, OCT- 17, 2015
Edited by:  Sharmina Islam, Lifestyle Editor