The shaky on again, off again relationships we have seen our favourite TV characters indulge in; from Carrie and Big in Sex and the City to Ross and Rachel on Friends or even Meredith and McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy, have become a real trend of sorts in the past year. Take the case of artist Kesar D (name changed), for whom it was love at first sight with her ex. Six months of wild romance later, they both wanted something different, leading to first of their break-ups and a toxic pattern followed. Passionate sessions of being together were followed by harsh fights and break-ups, and the cycle continued for a few years. In Kesar's own words, while she loved being in love, it was stable only for a while. I would panic immediately after the break-up and even he would want to get back and we would never want it to end. It was like we didn't want to move on, she says.
Are you yo-yo'ing
So what is this Also known as dating deja vu, people in such a relationship keep coming back together, and the cycle continues. Like a yo-yo, it's natural for them to separate and then come back again together. An international study confirmed the phenomenon and said that couples involved want to rekindle the flame repeatedly. Those who have experienced it seem to say that such relationships are beautiful and magical, making you feel natural and comfortable to go back to your ex.
A growing trend
According to psychiatrist Dr Dhananjay Gambhire, dating your ex has never been more common due to the changing marriage trends and society norms. He adds, The culture seems to be changing with live-ins, casual sex, friends-with-benefits and break-ups are more acceptable. Due to this, an extra round trip in the same relationship is nothing new. Also, with everyone being on the social networking bandwagon, it becomes difficult to 'unfriend' your ex since you are constantly reminded of their existence.
Playing emotional high-stakes
If you are ready to gamble with your emotions every time, it's your choice completely. But it's good to know that it will always be a topsy-turvy ride with minimum to no guarantees. It is not a rosy picture says consultant psychiatrist Dr Ashit Sheth. It's very much like experimenting in a relationship. A positive aspect to this may be that people have started taking relationships seriously and want to salvage it or even check whether they will survive each other. But the negative aspect is the insecurity which it generates. It also adds to the distraction, and is time consuming since lots of energy is wasted because of trivial, ugly and multiple break-ups.
Take a reality check
Acknowledge why your relationship didn't work out in the past. Once you decide on the necessary changes and identify the problem areas, be honest to make a difference for the better this time around. At the same time be ready for shock and disappointment if you realise that your partner has not changed or is not willing to change. For many, the break-up period might also act as a trial period to heal the relationship, and turn them into a better person.
Make a firm choice
High levels of conflict accompanied with low levels of commitment are foreseen in such relationships. Also, with the younger generation taking things easy, the trend might go from bad to worse, warns Dr Gambhire. Very few youngsters these days want to take responsibility of setting up a home, or taking care of their parents or having children. In the long run, this self-centered attitude might lead to loneliness, depression, mental and even a spiritual instability, he says. So, as traditional structures of families change, it's only fair to ask ourselves the question whether we really know when true love comes knocking. And if we do, shouldn't we hang on to it and nurture it, rather than waste time battling the same old fears and insecurities If one can be a bit strong emotionally, there's always a firm choice to be made. to be made.
Source: Times of India
BDST: 1654 HRS, DEC- 22, 2015
Edited by: Sharmina Islam, Lifestyle Editor
